Monday, January 30, 2012

We need to talk about Cosmo

I could not resist the new issue of Cosmopolitan with Dakota Fanning on the cover. It's pink, campy, vaguely disturbing, and a nice throwback to their Scavullo-era covers. It's the sort of jailbait ephemera that I want to find in a box 20 years from now, along with my 80's Brooke Shields magazines and much-loved VHS copy of Poison Ivy. Watching a former child star become sexualized is always mildly unsettling, even when they are of an appropriate age. Dakota turned 18 this month but it still feels wrong to see her next to the "His Best Sex Ever" cover line. I actually read that article, it was sooooooo boring. I'm convinced that no one on the Cosmo editorial team has sex. If they did, they wouldn't relentlessly promote chocolate body frosting. The magazine as a whole is so dumbed-down and misguided that it's actually a pretty entertaining read, like The National Enquirer and tabloids with cover stories about Shiloh Jolie-Pitt's gender "confusion" (see this week's Life & Style). Totally the best $3.99 I've spent in ages.


Sean said...

I really wish the vagina story was an actual conversation someone had with hers, along the lines of "Are you there, vagina? It's me, Margaret...and we need to talk about that discharge."

eric said...

I've actually never bought a copy of Cosmo until I saw Dakota on the cover and decided to take the plunge.

While the rest of the mag was entertaining (I never knew I could classify my skin as oily or dry based on time of day until I read the article that said if my skin is oily in the morning, right after I wake up, I technically have oily skin), but the article about Dakota was offensively terrible.

Are we twins? I got to brunch two weeks ago armed with this Cosmo and rattled off a list of bitchy complaints that freakishly mirror your observations.

Anyway, I think I love you.

hannah kristina metz said...

I hope one day to have a magazine entitled "um, vagina"

Chelsea said...

Hahahahaha Sean

Love you too Eric!

Hannah I really hope that happens.