I had a major WTF moment when I was flipping through my beloved O magazine this morning and I happened upon this troubling photo of Johnny Depp and Patti Smith:
The image is part of a larger campaign for Disneyland, which features celebrities dressed up like iconic Disney characters. It’s a great idea on paper but the casting director is totally batshit! They always create the most awkward celebrity pairings, like Gisele and Mikhail Baryshnikov as Wendy and Peter Pan and Penelope Cruz and Jeff Bridges as Beauty and the Beast. And who could forget the super-cringey Alice in Wonderland photo featuring Beyonce, Oliver Platt, and Lyle Lovett? The pairing of Johnny and Patti actually makes sense but it really annoys me that Patti was cast as the “second pirate in command.” Thats not even a real character! There are so many great villains that would be far more appropriate for Ms. Smith….
Like Scar from The Lion King
Ok so he’s a dude, probably gay, and a lion but he has that distinctive Patti Smith I’ve-seen-it-all-and-done-it-all-and-I-don’t-give-a-shit swagger. And the hair is pretty comparable.
Vanessa (aka Ursula) from The Little Mermaid
Wow, I bet Vanessa could do a killer version of "Piss Factory"! She really has that fire in her eyes. And the "scorned bride" look would really work for Patti.
Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty
Patti would look so fierce in that cape! It looks like 1989 Mugler. And the raven sidekick is very fitting; its name is Diablo. I wouldn't be surprised if Patti had a raven sidekick named Diablo in real life.
Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmations
Someone should really design a collection based around the concept of “Patti Smith as Cruella de Vil.” And I hope it's Ann Demeulemeester.
Ps. Can someone please tell Annie Leibowitz to lay off the Photoshop? Her photos look like Avatar.