Friday, April 3, 2009

Book Club: Marlene Dietrich's ABC

Stop secretly reading Gwyneth Paltrow's dumb website and pick up a copy of Marlene Dietrich's ABC instead. I'd much rather get life advice from the fierce vamp who played Lola-Lola than a Grace Kelly clone who married some guy from Coldplay. I mean, how can you trust anyone who would intentionally bring that much Coldplay into their life? Word to the wise: YOU CAN'T! Marlene is a far more suitible lifestyle guru and her book is chocked full of good advice and bitchy observations on topics ranging from Frank Sinatra to sandwiches. Also, note the caption on the photo of Marlene below. So hilarious!

Here are some gems from her book:

Astaire, Fred: Elegant! Elegant! Elegant!
Fashion: Don't follow it blindly into every dark alley. Always remember that you are not a model or a mannequin for which the fashion is created.
Gender: At the best of times gender is difficult to determine.
Ivy: Good outside the house, bad inside.
Men's Clothes: Black, midnight blue, dark blue, grey-for suits. Pale blue, pink, white-for shirts. Black, dark blue-for ties. Black for shoes. Only Englishmen can wear brown rough suits and brown heavy-soled shoes and look elegant. Nobody else should try it.
Nail Polish: Dark nail polish is vulgar.
Nakedness: Easy for the beautiful, difficult for the ugly.
Necking: A dirty pastime.
Potatoes: I love them. I eat them.
Pouting: I hate it, but men fall for it, so go on and pout.
Roses: I like them best freshly cut from the garden. The blonde one with the tender, drooping stems small as a rose should smell.
Sandwich: A wonderful invention for all people like myself who like to eat on the run.
Shoes: Shoes are more important that suits and dresses. Good shoes give elegance to your entire appearance. Buy one pair of good shoes instead of three pairs of bad quality.
Sinatra: One of the most gentle of all men I know.
Teasing: Teach your teen-age daughters not to tease boys into physical desire. You might save their lives.
Unmade Bed: A man would rather come home to an unmade bed and a happy woman than to a neatly made bed and an angry woman.
Vodka: It is one of the more healthy drinks in the alcohol field.
White Bread: I cringe every time I see a child eating a sandwich made out of American white bread. Give them whole wheat or rye if you love them.


Megan said...

omg i LOVE it! immediately snagged a copy on amazon. can't wait to read all about sandwiches and vulgar nailpolish!

Cassiopeia said...

i. want. this. book. now! :-) even the cover is glam... and it's a mite more attainable than that dress that is haunting my dreams ;-D


E.K. said...

Ha! People can't have that much Coldplay in their life! If I start to hear even an opening chord of a song I liken it to when they opened the Lost Ark in Indiana Jones!

drollgirl said...

i cannot imagine taking advice from gwenyth. she is irritating, and coldplay is turning out to be the u2 of today and i hate u2.

Dream Sequins said...

"Always remember that you are not a model or a mannequin for which the fashion is created." -- Excellent advice. Reminds me of Bill Cunningham's admonition not to fall into the traps of the rich. I like to write about fashion, but I'm not living it. Need to keep reminding myself of that.

susie_bubble said...

Dirty pastime indeed!